That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
