so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
