i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
