Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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