Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
