he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
