I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
