At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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