If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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