So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Welp...herpes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
