a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
