I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
