Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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