note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize