they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
