weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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