god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
