i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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