I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
