btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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