Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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