I've blown a few things in my day
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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