at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
