i permit you to call me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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