guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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