I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
