Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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