Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
