is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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