eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
