as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
