You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
