is your mom at the bar?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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