He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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