i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm passing your future prison.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
