I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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