Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize