Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
