We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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