did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
