oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
