that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Found your dick twin last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
