she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
