I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
