I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
