he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
