apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
