I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
