She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
