I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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