man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
