yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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