remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize