someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
