I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
