forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
