At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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