I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
