All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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