I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize