So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
