You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
