Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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