I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
