i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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