Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
