I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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