It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
