saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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