like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
